The holiday season can be full of tradition, time with loved ones, and space to rest and look forward to a new year. The season may also bring up feelings of loss, stress, and exhaustion.
For many, those feelings might be heightened this year as they cope with grief and worry brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic.
How can we enjoy the holidays while also prioritizing our mental health? Kaylee Crockett, Ph.D., clinical psychologist, scientist, and assistant professor for the Department of Family and Community Medicine, is sharing tips on how to apply an evidence-based psychotherapy approach, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT, pronounced “act”), as a way to prepare and get the most out of the holiday season.
“ACT offers a framework for centering acceptance, mindfulness, and personal values that may help direct us through the season, no matter what feelings show up,” she said.
Acceptance: Thinking and Feeling
Crockett notes that many negative thoughts that surface during the holidays can be traced to rigid thinking.
“ACT focuses on flexibility in thinking and feeling. It encourages stepping away from those thoughts such as, ‘I should be happy because it’s the holidays,’ or ‘I should be spending time with a loving family,’ or ‘If I do not find the perfect gift, then I have failed’, or those feelings of tensing up or tuning out at the mention of the holidays,” she said.
Rigid thoughts or beliefs create tension and stress because they do not allow room for error or nuance. Crockett stressed that it is ok to have those types of thoughts and acceptance can help navigate with them in a healthy way.
"The key is movement towards acceptance—approaching experiences with openness and curiosity,” Crockett said. “When you notice a rigid thought show up this season, practice stepping back from that thought and noticing what feelings are showing up with acceptance and compassion.”
Mindfulness
ACT also emphasizes the importance of mindfulness or being present in the moment.
“Mindfulness can help us savor pleasant experiences. However, many of us miss these opportunities as we get caught up thinking about the past or worrying about the future.” She also noted “We may also avoid staying present in the moment because we find it painful to sit with uncomfortable thoughts or emotions. Instead, we may busy ourselves with distractions that are not fulfilling such as getting lost on social media, isolating, or worrying.”
To avoid getting swept up in a negative thought pattern or behavior, Crockett recommends “tuning in” to inner thoughts and experiences without judgment and to do your best to make intentional decisions about behaviors following a negative thought or feeling.
Connecting with Values
A final way to use ACT is to apply your personal values to the experiences of the holiday season.
“Values are not achievable goals, but broad concepts that help direct goal-setting,” Crockett explained. “We tend to experience distress when our behavior is inconsistent with our values. For example, many of us buy gifts for the holidays. If generosity is a personal value, gift-giving can be a fulfilling activity. If saving for the future is a value, over-gifting may feel distressing.”
Because values are different for every person, Crockett recommends writing a list of what is most important to you and allowing the list to help you make decisions about how to spend time and resources this holiday.
“Values are personal. Sitting down with loved ones and reviewing what’s most important to each other this season can be a way to connect and make sure activities are planned to help everyone feel fulfilled.”
ACT resources are available from the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science “For the Public” webpage. Crockett also recommends the free app “Mindfulness Coach” to help those new to practicing mindfulness get started.